Whilst predominantly a lover of maths and technology, I do
try to keep my literary ability just above retarded by writing for this blog,
playing guitar and thinking of stuff that isn't maths, although the latter
normally ends up as me trying to shoehorn something that isn't maths related
into at least some sort of logical form.
So I keep trying to think up reasons why people act in
certain ways to certain situations, a particularly tricky one I came up with is walking past someone in the street, a normally simple task, but when over
thought enough becomes a terrible minefield of things that can go wrong.
 |
| but it's never this. It's always much, much more worse than this... |
So I'll write through this as it would happen in real life.
You see a person of in the distance on course to meet you on the path you're
walking along. If they're old, there's a
group of them or they have a dog / buggy then it would be easier to walk along
the grass and steer well clear to avoid bumping into them. This brings the
problems that a) your shoes would get dirty, b) they might then stay right to
the side furthest away from the grass and you're left wondering why you even
went on it in the first place, and c) what if they're thinking the same thing
and also go on the grass or; they know what you're thinking and as you do it
there's that feeling where you both know what's happening and you're both weird
for thinking it but you're the one on the grass so that makes you weirder.
 |
| This man didn't, and now must pay the price of wearing sandals for the rest of eternity. |
So generally, the grass is off limits.
Now if there's a wall to one side of the pavement (not
uncommon) and a parent is holding a child's hand, what side of the path do you
walk on? If you go on the wall side then you're in-effect pushing the child
closer to the road, which mum or dad probably wouldn't notice would
definitely be furious about and you might end up crashing into said wall in the
haste of trying not to trip up / kick / violently murder the child or parent, which
will be a) painful and b) stupid.
 |
| This is you to everyone who isn't you |
But the other side is not safe either, parents and children,
being the self centred, uncaring beings that they are will probably stay out to
the side anyway, forcing you into the road or making you walk across them into
a wall. Also, in caveman times it was (probably) custom for young adults to
kill babies and eat them so parents would become wary of this over time. By
walking on the side nearest the road you are in effect blocking the child's
only escape route from certain death, so the parents will involuntarily try to kill, or mutilate you beyond recognition by pushing you into roads / walls as these are the
things most evolutionarily similar to dinosaurs and cliffs.
So if there's parents with children you are screwed and will
definitely fail at passing them in the street.
 |
| If you see this, it's too late. |
But what if they're old?
If they're old they'll read the daily mail, and will have
heard all about the evil 'yoofs' of today, trying to mug pensioners at every opportunity. By walking past them you'll make them more likely to have a heart attack, and
if they have a dog (which is always on a long slack lead), they will invariably
trip you up with it, or take up the whole path so that you're forced to stand
still while the bloody mutt and it's owner can just about squeeze past in the
mile wide space that is any path in a park, and this makes it look like you are
about to mug them.
 |
| ...they're texting their mates about who's pension cash to nick next. |
So how about you cross over the road to avoid killing
pensioners and tripping over on dogs? That won't work either, because despite
old people disliking everything and everyone, they still crave social interaction,
so by crossing over and then back again you are making them feel sad and lonely
and as such you will feel sad and lonely for being so neglectful.
 |
| just give up now, you can't stop the inevitable. |
And as Freud (an actual real-life sociologist) said,
everything is about sex, so while you're passing them you both secretly think
that the other will rape you, and that doesn't help either.
 |
| oh no... |